3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
