god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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