whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
