I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
