not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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