My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she peed on how many people?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
