C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
