are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
