Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
