do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
