I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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