She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
