They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
