i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
