Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
