After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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