next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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