Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
