Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
