sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
