It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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