She's JV to your varsity
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
