coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
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