I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
