Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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