i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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