you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
