she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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