Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
