I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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