Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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