the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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