Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
