I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
