you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
