Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think your dad took our porno
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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