That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
