i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
i think i just lost a toe
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
