Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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