did you get engaged???
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
