I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
