She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
