Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
