omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
