I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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