Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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