New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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