I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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