I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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