I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
