Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
