I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
