I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
