and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
